Ep #2: Anger: 3 Ways to Process Your Feelings

Overcoming Grief with Sandy Linda | Anger: 3 Ways to Process Your Feelings
Overcoming Grief with Sandy Linda | Anger: 3 Ways to Process Your Feelings

Have you ever felt that wave of anger in the midst of grief? If so, you’re not alone. Anger is a natural response to loss. Whether you’ve lost someone close to you or find yourself in the depths of a life-altering divorce, it’s time to rewrite the narrative around anger.

Anger is a complex emotion that we often try to ignore or ride out, but it is generally unavoidable. It isn’t the kind of emotion that you can tuck away neatly and ignore without consequence. The good news is that this emotion can be a powerful tool on the path to healing, so this week, I’m diving into the world of grief anger and debunk the misconceptions that come along with it.

Tune in this week to discover how to start understanding and acknowledging the fiery side of your emotions during grief, and why acknowledging your anger is a vital part of healing from loss. You’ll learn why we think anger needs to be suppressed, some of the myths around anger that need debunking immediately and how to deal with anger and turn it into transformation as you work through grief.

To celebrate the launch of the show, I’m giving three lucky listeners a free one-to-one coaching session each! All you have to do is follow, rate, and review the show. Click here to learn more about the contest and how to enter, I’ll be announcing the winners in an upcoming episode!

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • Why anger demands attention, especially when you’re dealing with a loss.
  • How society has conditioned us to believe that anger is some sort of flaw, especially for women.
  • Some common misconceptions about anger and the healthiest way to express your anger.
  • How feelings of anger form in the midst of grief and loss.
  • 3 tips to manage, diminish, and use anger appropriately.

Listen to the Full Episode:

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Full Episode Transcript:

Have you ever felt that wave of anger in the midst of grief? You’re not alone. In fact, anger is a natural response to loss. And, it’s time to rewrite the narrative. Join me as I dive into the world of grief anger, debunking the misconceptions and discovering how this emotion can be a powerful tool on the path to healing.

Welcome to Overcoming Grief, a show for women experiencing profound grief and looking for support in healing and transforming their lives. If you are ready to heal after loss, create a new self-identity, take responsibility to do the hard things, and get massive results in your life, this show is for you. Now, here’s your host, Master Grief and Life Coach, Sandy Linda.

Hello, fabulous folks. How’s your day going? I have a story for you that might just shatter your idea of letting off steam. Recently I met up with a client who is celebrating the end of a tough chapter, her divorce. But despite the milestone, anger was still lingering in the background. So I took her to a place where smashing things was not allowed but encouraged, the rage cage room in Brooklyn. Yes, you heard that right.

Picture this. Us in protective gear, letting loose on electronics and glass. It was like a therapy session with a sledgehammer. Speaking of anger, that’s what we’re tackling today. Welcome to an episode about anger, especially in the midst of loss. If you ever lost someone close or find yourself in the deep of a life altering the divorce, this one is for you.

Anger, that complex emotion that often hushed away, is taking center stage. Because guess what? It’s okay to be angry, more than okay. In fact, it’s completely human. So let’s roll up our sleeves and dig into this fiery emotion that often accompany by grief.

You see, anger isn’t the kind of emotion you can neatly tuck away in a box. Nope. It’s that prickly feeling that demands attention, especially when you’re dealing with a loss. But here’s the thing. Society has a knack for making us feel like anger is some sort of flaw, especially for women. The unwritten rule is to always be pleasant, right?

Today we’re breaking down those walls and embracing the power of anger because it’s vital part of healing. I’ve encountered through my research some misconceptions about anger, especially for women who were taught to suppress their anger along with their unresolved grief. Now, let’s debunk some myths.

Myth number one. Anger is just a destructive force like a volcano ready to erupt. No, anger can actually be a catalyst for positive change, especially when women channel it into standing up for themselves. Myth number two, anger is nothing but negativity. Wrong again. Anger is like a wake-up call, propelling us toward change and growth.

Myth number three, ignoring anger makes it go away. Nope. Suppressing it can lead to all sorts of health issues and internal turmoil. Smiling to cover up your frustration, denying your angry feelings, or allowing others to treat you poorly in an effort to keep the peace can cause your anger to turn inward. Anger turned inward may cause high blood pressure or depression. Expressing your angered feelings in an assertive but not aggressive manner is the healthiest way to express anger. I want to leave you with a quote here about Yoda. Yoda says fear leads to anger and anger leads to hate.

Now here’s the thing. I’ve become aware of the world of anger, especially for women who have been told to bottle it up along with their grief. I’ve seen the misconception unravel and witnessed the immense potential anger holds for transformation, and why anger sometimes leads to hate sometimes. My friend Yoda.

Now let’s talk about some roots of anger. The origin of anger can come from frustration, resentment, bitterness, betrayal, and rage. Let me take you on a personal journey. Picture this, unexpected death, friends fading away during tough times, and a job loss that hit hard. In the midst of all, I chose to bury my anger. I mean, who wants to invite more discomfort right? But let me tell you it wasn’t a healthy choice.

Instead, I find myself carrying around this heavy baggage of rage, bitterness, and blame. I even pointed fingers at the universe and questioned my own identity. You see losing my family made me feel like an orphan, robbed of the daughter role and sister role. So I tried to build new connections, but my anger was like the invisible barrier, sabotaging friendships before they even had a chance. Why? Because I hadn’t yet grasped the essence of what this anger was really about.

I experienced a sense of being stuck in a maze of anger where blame and shame acted as dead ends that only pushed me further in it. It’s okay to admit it. We’re all human after all. I uncovered that blame and shame trap was the root cause of my anger. My anger was unjustified because I was unfamiliar with discovering the meat of it. It took a few years to overcome the blame and shame that ran deep in my mind and body.

Here’s something for you. Blame is easy, but taking responsibility is hard. Anger is easy, but self-control is hard. We may be tempted to express outrage when someone lies or preys upon our vulnerability or weaknesses. Internally, we may become angry with ourselves that we fall into the blame and shame trap. We blame ourselves and often feels shame living disgrace, dishonor, unworthy, or embarrassed in our own minds.

Burying anger is stressful enough when we are on that grief train. It takes a lot of mental and physical energy as the wheels of the grief train becomes unsteady. When the grief train arrives at the fury stop, we can exit or face anger with intellectual clarity to make needed life changes. Allow me to share these three tips to ensure that you manage, diminish, and use anger appropriately.

I have used this technique along with my clients, and they are becoming fearless. The first tip is engage in physical activity like walking or running can be a great way to release built up energy and boost your mood. If you’re angry, consider walking or running as it can help calm you down. Exploring the outdoors through nature walks can also be a fun way to recover from any anger caused by unwelcome disruptions.

So get this. When the client actually stepped into the place called the Rage Cage Room. I know, it sounds a while right? But you know what? It was surprisingly therapeutic for her, especially after her divorce. I mean, where else can you let loose and smash things without getting into trouble? In just 30 minutes, she managed to unravel some of those deep seated fits of anger she had been carrying around.

Now I get it. Not everyone got a rage room nearby. That’s cool. But here’s the thing. Finding a way to physically blow off some steam can do wonders. You don’t need to crush stuff, but maybe there’s a workout, a sport, or an activity that lets you sweat out the stress and peel away those layers of frustration. Give it a shot. You might just find a hidden gem of emotional release in something unexpected.

Number two tip is a helpful way to process your emotions and better understand your anger is to journal. Take time to write down your thoughts and feelings when angry. This can provide a new perspective and help you find healthy ways to deal with your emotions.

Talk to someone you trust about how you’re feeling. This could be a friend, family member, therapist, or anyone you feel comfortable talking to. Talking about your anger can help you understand it better, and find ways to deal with it in a healthy way.

Our school, peers, and media create the societal myth that anger links to weaknesses, emotional instability, or is avoidable. So why do we suppress our anger to obey the commands of our parents, colleagues, and teachers? Because of the false beliefs about anger. Anger emerges a source of wisdom clarity and inspiration offering you support and solutions for women, especially discovering the creative potential and growth opportunities in their own outrage.

All right, time to put these insights into action. Here are three practical tips to guide you on your anger journey. First up, take a refreshing nature walk or sweat it out through exercise. Remember, if you’re in New York, try the Rage Cage room. It’s so therapeutic.

Then grab that journal and pour out your thoughts. Trust me, it’s therapeutic. Last but not least, don’t underestimate the magic of sharing. Open up to someone you trust and watch the wonders unfolds. Instead of fearing anger, embrace it as a powerful and often misunderstood emotion. By acknowledging our anger, we gain insight into our identity and express ourselves constructively through honest dialogue.

When describing your frustrations, be clear and provide concrete details about your journey. Don’t resort to negativity when others try to dismiss your anger. Be vulnerable, and express your true feelings to truly connect with others. Expressing anger requires determination, thoughtfulness, and effort. It is essential to acknowledge and respect our feelings of anger and those of our loved ones and friends.

I want you to take these tips and take it and make it into your insights and actions. Let me know how it goes. I want to leave you with this quote that is so valuable for this topic of conversation. So the quote is I want to own my anger because it brought me back to myself. It gave me clarity and purpose. I could not agree to you more.

When I saw this quote, it was just a place for me to engage the conversation that we own our anger and be able to acknowledge it, to feel it, to release it through a Rage Cage room, exercise, walking, or journaling. It really gave me clarity and purpose along with my clients that engage in that. So I hope this information has helped you in giving you insight for you to take on the role of owning your anger so that you can get back to yourself and give yourself clarity.

I will leave you the name of the author, and it was from a book called Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women’s Anger. I thank you so much for listening, and I will catch you on the next one. Have a great day. Bye.

To celebrate the launch of the show, I’m going to be giving away three lucky listeners one to one coaching sessions who follow, rate, review the show. Now the one to one coaching spot is complimentary. It’s just gathering data. I’m allowing you to take the guesswork out of gathering data about your loss and paying attention to the subtle shifts of how you think and feel about your heartbreaking losses in one session.

If you’re craving a more validating experience with grief that sticks even when discomfort sets in then one of my coaching spots has your name on it. It doesn’t have to be a five star review. Although I sure hope you love the show. I want your honest feedback so I can create an awesome show that provides tons of value. Visit www.SandyLinda.com/PodcastLaunch to learn more about the contest and how to enter. Be quick. You don’t have long. I’ll be announcing the winners on this show in an upcoming episode.

Thanks for listening to today’s episode of Overcoming Grief. If you’re ready to move into a new, rewarding life experience, and want more information about how to work with Sandy, visit www.sandylinda.com.

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