Ep #90: Decision Avoidance in Grief: How to Start Making Decisions

There’s a decision sitting in the back of your mind right now. One you have been avoiding for weeks, maybe months. Every time it surfaces, you push it back down. But what if I told you that this one avoided decision is costing you more than making the wrong choice? Let’s uncover why the decisions you’re not making may keep you stuck on your healing journey. Stay tuned.

Welcome to The Reinvention Lab: Where Ambitious Women Transform Loss into Legacy. Hosted by Master Certified Life Coach and fellow trailblazer, Sandy Linda, this is your space to discover how life’s biggest challenges can ignite profound transformation—where grief becomes growth, setbacks become stepping stones, and your unique story lights the way for others. If you’re ready to turn life’s challenges into opportunities for leadership, legacy, and forward momentum, you’re in the right place. Let’s dive in.

Hello creative humans and fellow trailblazers. I am glad you’re tuning in. Here on this show, we will walk together through the messy but beautiful process of transformation. Your messages touched me after our last episodes, especially the episode on rebuilding community and setting digital boundaries. I had one listener, Sarah from Boston, who wrote in that she finally deleted social media during dinner so she could be more present with her family.

I did a happy dance for her. I am so grateful for you taking that initiative to create those digital boundaries. And Michelle’s story about letting go of a 20-year friendship that no longer felt right. It’s powerful to hear how you’re making hard but brave choices. Thank you for walking this journey with me and with other ambitious creative leaders.

As our mental health awareness month comes to a close, I am so grateful that I was able to share some unique opportunities for you to go back to for your mental wellness journey. To allow you not to let it be just that one month, but to allow you to do it every day, to be able to acknowledge what ways you can rebuild a community or set digital boundaries. Whatever works for you.

Now, as I continue to share another mental wellness tip for today, I wanted to tackle something that silently affects so many of us on our healing journeys. And that is the power of decisions you’re not making. Have you ever noticed how when you avoid a decision, it just keeps getting heavier?

Today, it’s about decision avoidance. That friend request from someone linked to your loss that you’re not sure about, or that grief support group you bookmarked but haven’t joined. It’s that feeling of being stuck. There’s a choice to make, but you just can’t move.

The truth is, not deciding isn’t just hitting a pause. It’s missing opportunities for your transformative future. Let’s get real. This question may feel uncomfortable, but it’s my way of helping you turn discomfort into action. So here’s my question to you. What’s a decision you have been avoiding that if you faced it today could help you move forward? Sit with that for a moment. Feel the weight of it.

In today’s episode, I will talk about why decision-making has become harder than ever, what it costs us, and how we can get unstuck even when things are not perfect or clear. I’ll chat about how our brains get overloaded with the advice out there on grief and healing. I’ll also show you why being intentional about your choices, like how you rebuild your community or set boundaries online, can boost your mental health. And by the end, you’ll have a simple framework that I and many women have used to make decisions that lead to growth, not just more pain.

This conversation might be exactly what you need to break through a stuck point in your healing journey. So grab a quiet space, maybe something to write with, and let’s talk about transforming decision avoidance into decision empowerment.

So, Sandy, what is decision avoidance? It’s when leaders or creatives hesitate or fail to make crucial decisions. Some keep putting off choices that could actually help them move forward.

Let me share something personal about decision avoidance from my journey. 10 years ago, when grief crashed into my life, I found myself knocked out by what seemed like a simple choice: finding the right support community. My bereavement counseling was complete, but I still needed to connect with others. I spent 8 to 10 months scrolling through countless online grief groups, personal development programs, and leadership communities. I saved links, downloaded free resources, and joined mailing lists.

I told myself I was researching, but in reality, I was just afraid to choose one thing because what if it wasn’t the right fit? I was avoiding the decision to actually commit to any single path. Every night, I fell into bed exhausted from information overload, yet no closer to healing. My browser tabs multiplied like rabbits. Grief support on Mondays, identity rebuilding on Tuesdays, leadership growth on Wednesdays. I was doing everything except making a decision.

The consequence? Those 10 months became a blur of continuous searching without finding. My healing remained shallow because I never went deep in any approach. My grief stayed raw because I never fully processed it in a consistent community. And most painfully, I delayed rebuilding my identity because I couldn’t decide what that identity should look like.

The turning point came when a friend purchased a ticket for a personal event that she had said I was going. Later on the show, I will share my experiences that taught me about attending an extravagant event with 14,000 people in attendance.

Now, let’s get into how decision avoidance shows up differently after experiencing a heartbreaking loss. Avoiding decisions takes on unique qualities that can have a huge impact on your healing journey. The capacity of your decision-making becomes compromised when our brains get overloaded with heartbreaking losses. A profound emotional weight represents your new reality.

Sometimes deciding means admitting things have changed, like donating a loved one’s stuff, updating your relationship status, or joining a support group. Perhaps, most painfully, avoiding decision-making after a loss is about taking big steps. Some of us often avoid these big steps because it feels like moving forward means leaving someone or something behind. But while we wait, our minds keep turning those decisions over, which just makes us more tired and stressed.

Now that you understand what decision avoidance is and how it shows up differently after experiencing loss, let’s look at how it shows up in one of the most important areas of healing: your community.

Now, let’s talk about one of the toughest areas where decision avoidance shows up after loss. I believe one of the hardest parts of moving forward isn’t just processing your grief, but figuring out which relationships still fit in your new life. Think about it this way. When loss changes us, it’s like we’re suddenly wearing different-sized shoes. Some of our old relationships still fit perfectly, some pinch a little, and others, well, they just don’t fit at all anymore. But deciding about these relationships? That’s where many of us get stuck.

Here are a few of the most common relationship decisions we avoid after loss. First, there’s the question of whether to keep connections that no longer support our growth. Maybe it’s that friend who keeps saying, “Aren’t you over that yet?” Or the family member who avoids talking about your loss. These relationships might have been wonderful before, but now they’re like plants that are not getting enough sunlight. They’re not thriving. I had one client who stuck with old friend groups out of habit, even though it made her feel lonelier. Changing these routines felt scary, like losing another piece of herself.

The second tough decision is about setting boundaries with people who knew you before. Boundaries are not to shut people out, but to protect what helps you heal. More like fences with gates that you control. You let people in on your terms that support your healing and not hinder it. Setting boundaries with people who don’t understand your grief is hard, but so necessary.

I remember avoiding a grief-share support group meeting for several months. I kept finding excuses: too busy, too tired, the weather is bad. But I was dodging the decision to belong to a group defined by loss, personal development, or leadership. Once I finally went, it was life-changing. My only regret? I wish there were more tools that support moving from decision avoidance to decision empowerment.

Here’s a simple way to think about your community decisions. Think of your healing as a road trip. Some relationships are like passengers who help navigate and hone the journey. Others are like flat tires. They may have been great when the car was parked, but now they are holding you back. The question becomes, who helps you grow and who drains you? Choosing to let someone go or redefine a relationship isn’t selfish. It’s about honoring your need to heal and grow. It’s all about you making space for new, healthier connections.

Before I continue to our action items, please leave a rating or comment on your podcast app if you’re enjoying this episode or any other episodes. Your feedback helps other women, creatives, and leaders find these insights. I love hearing how these ideas resonate with you. Every five-star rating brings this message to someone who needs it. Now back to our show.

Let’s get into the decision activation framework. Let’s get practical. Here’s a simple three-step process to help you break out of decision avoidance.

Pick one decision you’re avoiding in your community, personal growth, leadership, or online life. Ask yourself, what’s the smallest next step I could take? It could just be writing an email or texting a friend. Put it on your calendar for the next 48 hours. Don’t wait for perfect. Just do something.

Remember, decision-making is a muscle. The more you use it, the easier it gets. So one more time, what decision are you avoiding that, if made today, would open up space for you to grow?

Now, let’s get back to my friend who purchased a ticket to see a Tony Robbins event and told me I was going. That decisive action, even though it wasn’t my decision, broke my pattern of avoidance. For the first time in months, I wasn’t researching healing; I was experiencing it. What I learned from that experience, from Tony Robbins, wasn’t the answer to grief, though it helped me. I learned that making an imperfect decision moved me forward in ways that perfect indecision never could.

Those 10 months of avoidance cost me time, emotional energy, and healing progress that I can never get back.

As we wrap up today’s episode, I want to remind you that the decisions you avoid today can shape your tomorrow. We all put off choices sometimes, especially after hard losses, whether it’s letting go, setting boundaries, or stepping into new spaces. But what we learned together is that not deciding keeps us stuck and steals our energy.

When you take even the smallest step, like reaching out for help or saying yes or no to something important, you create fresh space for hope and growth in your life. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Every single decision, no matter how tiny, builds your confidence and heals your heart. You are braver than you think. And every decision you make, no matter how small, can be an act of healing and leadership.

I am always inspired by your courage, your honesty, and your drive to turn loss into new leadership. Keep sharing your stories and keep believing in what’s possible. Thank you so much for listening and have a great week everyone. Bye.

Thanks for joining us on The Reinvention Lab. If today’s episode inspired you, don’t forget to follow and share it with someone who’s ready to turn their challenges into opportunities. Want to take your journey to the next level? Visit sandylinda.com/program and apply for coaching today. Together, we’ll turn your story into a legacy. Until next time, keep moving forward with purpose, passion, and power.