Ep #47: Post-loss Jealousy: How to Feel Better

Overcoming Grief with Sandy Linda | Post-loss Jealousy: How to Feel Better
Overcoming Grief with Sandy Linda | Post-loss Jealousy: How to Feel Better

Have you ever felt jealous while scrolling through social media and seeing friends enjoying time with their parents and other relationships you’ve lost along the journey of your life? Well, you’re not alone. Post-loss jealousy is surprisingly common, and I’ve got some practical tools for managing the pain of post-loss jealousy.

When we see others enjoying a life we don’t get to live, we can feel frustrated and consumed by the unfairness of our circumstances. However, on today’s show, I’m offering you some actionable ways to heal and grow through the pain of loss, helping you overcome grief-related jealousy so you can get back to loving your life.

Tune in this week to discover how to ease the intense emotions of post-loss jealousy. I discuss why jealousy is a normal part of life, especially after loss, and why jealousy doesn’t mean anything negative about you. You’ll learn a powerful strategy for beginning the work of turning jealousy around while meeting yourself with compassion.

Are you ready to navigate the mourning process and connect with your emotions? Click here to get my Mourning Journaling Workbook to help you embrace your internal grief, expressing it through writing!

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • What post-loss and grief-related jealousy looks like.
  • How to spot the intense emotions of post-loss jealousy.
  • Why jealousy is a normal part of life, especially after loss.
  • What you can do to ease the intense emotions of post-loss jealousy.
  • A reflection exercise to help you understand the complex emotions you’re experiencing.

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

Full Episode Transcript:

Have you ever felt jealous while scrolling through social media and seeing friends enjoying time with their parents? Relationships you’ve lost? Discover practical tools for managing post-loss jealousy as we dive into this surprising concept. Stay tuned.

Welcome to Overcoming Grief, a show for women experiencing profound grief and looking for support in healing and transforming their lives. If you are ready to heal after loss, create a new self-identity, take responsibility to do the hard things, and get massive results in your life, this show is for you. Now, here’s your host, Master Grief and Life Coach, Sandy Linda.

Hello creative humans. Happy July. How are you all doing today? Welcome to the show if it’s your first time here, and a special thanks to those who continue to support and listen to our show. If you lost a loved one, I send you healing thoughts and blessings as you walk on this path to healing through your grief.

Recently, while looking at my business social media account, I came across messages from my followers about ways to cope on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. Some people expressed their jealousy about seeing other families enjoy special days with their parents. This resonated with me because I too have experienced those feelings after losing my parents back in 2015. If you lost someone, you might start feeling upset when you see joyful people or question why you had to go through loss while they didn’t.

Today, I want to offer you ways to heal and grow, helping you overcome grief-related jealousy. Jealousy is a complex emotion that often arises after experiencing the loss of your parents. When we see others enjoying relationships with their family members, relationship we no longer have, it can trigger intense feelings of jealousy and anger. These emotions are a normal part of the grieving process, but they can be difficult to navigate when social media and special occasions constantly remind us of what we’ve lost.

In today’s podcast, I will explore the concept of jealousy after loss and discuss strategies for managing these challenging emotions. By understanding the roots of our jealousy and learning to cope with triggers in a healthy way, we can continue to heal and grow in the face of profound grief.

To explain this challenge, I have a personal story about how I face jealousy after a loss that I like to share. After experiencing the devastating loss of my parents, I struggled with the intense feelings of jealousy and resentment, especially during Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. I vividly remember one Mother’s Day when I was at the mall surrounded by mothers and daughters and even sons celebrating together.

The sight left me feeling overwhelmed with anger and loneliness, wondering why I had even ventured out that day. The lesson was tough but important. I had to avoid going to the malls and restaurants during these occasions to protect my emotional well-being.

People who are grieving often feel jealous. It usually happens when someone loses a loved one or see others enjoying things they can’t have anymore. Seeing others share special moments with their loved ones can be especially hard for those who have lost parents. Reminders of your loss can make your grief worse, and it’s normal to feel jealous of what others have. Jealousy can be triggered by social media, which often highlights people’s lives and relationships, including their relationship with their parents.

When special holidays or events happen, it’s normal to feel down or even resentful towards those who can spend time with their family. Recognize that feeling jealous while grieving is valid and says nothing negative about who you are. It’s essential to acknowledge and understand these emotions rather than attempting to suppress or ignore them.

Take a moment to reflect on the root cause of your jealousy, and I want you ponder on this question. Are you jealous because you deeply miss the relationship you once had with your parents? Is it because you feel life has been unjust in taking them away? By examining the underlying reason for your jealousy, you can process these emotions in a healthy manner and work towards healing.

Jealousy has a mind of its own. When we feel jealous, we often get hijacked by thoughts and emotions that make us believe our world is crumbling, and we need to take immediate action. I’ve been there. It hurts. All our emotions have evolved to tell us about our needs and any threat to our emotional well-being.

Let’s take, for instance, Lynn, one of my colleagues, had lost her father seven years ago at the age of 25. As she doom scrolled social media and sees her friend’s wedding photos with their fathers, her thoughts immediately were her father won’t be here to walk her down the aisle. Her friend’s father had a chance to meet their grandchildren. Lynn’s father will not be here to see her future children. The repetitive thoughts and feelings. Lynn says, “I wish I could just go back in time, change things, and have what my friends have.”

If you relate to feeling jealous during grief, you may feel like it will never end. Lynn’s story is just one example of how jealousy can manifest after experiencing the profound loss of a parent. Many people who have faced similar losses can relate to the painful thoughts and feelings that arise when seeing others enjoy the relationships they no longer have.

It’s important to remember that these emotions are a normal part of the grieving process, and you’re not alone in experiencing them. While triggers and experiences differ for everyone, adopting strategies can help manage and cope with jealousy after experiencing loss in a healthy manner.

Now, let’s explore some actionable advice for navigating this challenging emotion. Now that you have an idea that your jealousy is normal, are you ready to turn jealousy around? It’s time to accept that we are having some emotional storms that need love and tender care. Know that you are imperfect, and it’s okay to have those jealous moments during your grief.

The first solution I want to offer you is to make room for jealousy without feeling overwhelmed by it. Allow the situations to exist without overpowering those emotions or desires. When jealousy strikes, confront it head-on and examine the source of your feelings. Lynn’s 25 years with her father were the best based on what she learned. Some daughters lack the fundamental support of a mother and a father. As for me, I constantly reflect on the 9-11 children who have now reached adulthood and consider the challenges they face growing up without a parental guidance. It made me take a second look at my jealousy.

Solution number two, validate your jealousy. Sometimes it feels like nobody understands the difficulty you face, and you cannot share your jealousy with the person. If you share it with someone, it may backfire you. The other person may say unsolicited things like get over it, or you’re being neurotic. It makes it worse.

What I want to offer you is jealousy and your feelings for a moment. I want you to allow yourself to validate true feelings. The truth is you are having jealous feelings and it’s painful. Validate your jealousy by acknowledging it, saying to yourself these are my feelings and I have a right to them. I am not alone. Jealousy is part of my human experiences. Try that. Let me know.

Solution number three, pay attention to what sets you off. What are your triggers? On special occasions like Mother’s Day, Father’s Days or weddings or Christmas, why not take a day off from digital devices to reflect your own feelings of jealousy? Observe your feelings rather than trying to eliminate them. Pay attention to the present moment without judgment.

When we are jealous, we pay attention to our thoughts anticipating a future that never happens. When you practice mindfulness, it allows you to let go of past struggles and thoughts about the future. Simply observe the present moment. It’s normal for high valuable women who have lost a parent to feel jealous. Observing others find joy in their relationship can ignite painful feelings, leaving you feeling unraveled and alone. Remember, you’re not alone in this struggle and your feelings matter.

Throughout this podcast, we explore the importance of acknowledging and making room for jealousy, validating your emotions, and being aware of your triggers. By accepting the full range of feelings that comes with grief, including love, fear and even anger, you can begin to heal and find peace.

I encourage you to take a moment to reflect on your own experiences with jealousy after loss. Consider how you can apply the actionable tips we’ve discussed, such as practicing mindfulness, seeking support from your fellow grieving advocates, and being kind to yourself during difficult moments.

Remember that healing is a journey, and it’s okay to proceed at your own pace. You are resilient, high valuable woman who has already overcome so much adversity. Trust in your strength and ability to navigate this challenging emotion. By embracing your feelings and taking steps to care for yourself, you can continue to grow, heal, and find joy in your life, even in the face of profound loss.

All right, here is a bonus prompt for your private thoughts. Write it down on your notepad or use your note app. I invite you to take part in a reflective journaling exercise. After listening to this episode, does jealousy show signs of healing? Spend 10 to 15 minutes writing about any jealousy or the feelings of jealousy that surface after experiencing a loss.

Taking the time to reflect on yourself is an important way to understand and process complex emotions. The goal is to shift from feeling ashamed or guilty about your jealousy to recognizing it as a natural part of the healing process. I would love to hear how this journaling exercise impacts you. So please email me your insights.

If you found today’s discussion helpful, please share this episode with someone who may go through something similar. Every share helps connect and support our community of listeners. Join us next time as we continue to explore powerful themes that enhance our professional life and personal growth. Have a beautiful and wonderful week. Bye.

Thanks for listening to today’s episode of Overcoming Grief. If you’re ready to move into a new, rewarding life experience, and want more information about how to work with Sandy, visit www.sandylinda.com.

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