Ep #75: Self-Love: A Rebel’s Valentine’s Guide

What if I told you the most important love story of your life isn’t about finding the one? It’s about becoming the one you have been searching for all along. Today, I am flipping the script on everything you thought you knew about self-love. Stay tuned.

Welcome to The Reinvention Lab: Where Ambitious Women Transform Loss into Legacy. Hosted by Master Certified Life Coach and fellow trailblazer, Sandy Linda, this is your space to discover how life’s biggest challenges can ignite profound transformation—where grief becomes growth, setbacks become stepping stones, and your unique story lights the way for others. If you’re ready to turn life’s challenges into opportunities for leadership, legacy, and forward momentum, you’re in the right place. Let’s dive in.

Hello, creative humans and fellow trailblazers. Thank you so much. Valentine’s Day is lurking around the corner, like the one relative who always asks why you’re still single. You know the type, right? And I can already feel some of you reaching for the skip button because, oh, not another Valentine’s Day thing, Sandy. But wait, before you roll your eyes so hard, they get stuck, we have all been there.

This isn’t your typical buy roses and chocolate pep talk. In fact, consider this your official permission slip to break up with the whole one day of forced romance circus. Let us flip the script entirely. Instead of dreading February 14th, what if we use it as our launching pad for something insightful? Something that doesn’t require dinner reservations, overpriced flowers, or those conversation hearts that taste like sweet chalk.

I am excited to share how true self-love can be a powerful tool for transformation. So let’s dive in. What is self-love after loss? It’s about creating space for your grief and growth. A permission to honor your pain while still reaching for joy. And understanding that loving yourself through loss might be the bravest thing you will ever do.

For years, I was the person everyone came to for support. I always extended grace and compassion to others while running on empty myself. I wore my self-sacrifice like a badge of honor, believing that putting myself last somehow made me a better person. It took walking through the storm of grief for me to realize how backwards I had it all.

Working with my clients, I’ve seen how many of us, especially women, believe we can somehow shame ourselves into becoming better people. We try to criticize ourselves into growth, to fault find our way to improvement. But here’s the truth I have discovered. You cannot hate yourself into a version of yourself that you can love.

I’m going to discuss what it means to practice self-love, not as a surface level concept, but as a profound journey of transformation. I will talk about how to break free from the cycle of self criticism, how to build a sustainable practice of self-love, and most importantly, how to recognize that prioritizing yourself isn’t just okay, it’s necessary for your growth and healing.

Today’s episode is your permission slip to love yourself differently. Whether you’re healing from loss, fighting through change, or tired of feeling like you never quite enough. Join me in re-imagining what radical self-love truly means. And hey, no fancy dinner reservations required. Though I fully support treating yourself to that fancy chocolate you have been looking at. Self-love comes in all forms after all.

To understand why some people despise Valentine’s Day, it helps to explore the history behind this romantic celebration. We can thank the famous 14th century poet, Geoffrey Chaucer, for the romantic Valentine’s day tradition. His poem connected lovebirds and Valentine’s Day, inventing a new story about gracious love. Talk about an influential marketing campaign that lasted centuries.

Here’s what matters for you, especially those navigating life after loss. How do you transform this commercialized holiday into something meaningful for your healing journey?

Now let’s fast forward to our modern day, where Valentine’s Day has become this fascinating mix of genuine feeling and commercial pressure. Did you know Americans spend over $20 billion annually on Valentine’s Day. That’s billion with a B, folks.

Here’s what I find entertaining. How this single day has shaped our expectations about love and relationships in ways we might not even realize. We have created this narrative that grand gestures equal deep love. There’s immense pressure to perform romance on schedule. We have somehow decided that romantic love deserves more celebration than any other forms of love. And single people are made to feel like they’re missing out on something essential.

But here’s what you need to ask yourselves. Why do I give so much power to a single day to define my worth and my relationships? The irony is that a poem about lovebirds telling people how to love, yet here we are, centuries later, letting commercial interests and social pressure dictate how you should express your emotions.

What if instead of letting this one day define your relationship with love, you reclaim its rebel spirit. What if we celebrate love in all its forms, not just romantic love, but self-love, friendships, family bonds, and community connections?

Now that we have explored the context of Valentine’s Day, let’s dive into a crucial aspect of self-love, the power of intentional solitude. Let’s talk about something that might feel a bit uncomfortable at first, being alone. You know that feeling when you are scrolling through social media on a Friday night, seeing everyone’s highlight reels and wondering if you’re the only one sitting home solo. Well, stick with me because we’re about to flip the script on what being alone means.

Here’s the truth. Loneliness and solitude might look similar from the outside, but they are as different as a warm hug and an awkward side hug. You know what I mean.

I used to be that social butterfly the one who rather be anywhere but alone with my thoughts. Then life threw me one of those curveballs that change everything. The loss of my parents, my sister, watching friends drift away, and even losing my job. Suddenly, my world got very quiet. Too quiet.

But here’s what I have discovered, and what research backs up. While loneliness can be as harmful to our health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, wild, right? Intentional solitude can be as refreshing as a deep breath of mountain air.

Here’s the magic of choosing solitude. Think of solitude as dating yourself. And let me tell you, you are quite the catch. When you consciously choose to spend time alone, something remarkable happens. Your creativity blooms like a flower that finally gets enough sunlight. Your inner wisdom gets a chance to speak up. Turns out it’s been trying to get your attention. You start making decisions that feel right for you, not just what everyone else thinks you should do.

Let me share something personal. During my grief journey, I started a meditation practice, just 10 minutes of sitting with myself, no phone, no distractions. At first, it felt like being stuck in an elevator with an awkward silence. But then something shifted. I started journaling, pouring out all those thoughts that had been playing ping pong in my head. And you know what? That’s when the magic happened. The silence stopped feeling empty and started feeling sacred. I wasn’t just alone. I was getting to know myself, maybe for the first time ever.

You know what makes me smile? When I search for self-love online and get bombarded with images of bubble baths and face masks. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good spa moment, but real self-love, that’s a whole different game, my friends. It’s less about scented candles and more about building a foundation that supports your entire self.

Let me share a quote from Michelle Obama that I took after my loss. She quoted here, “If you don’t get out there and define yourself, you will be quickly and inaccurately defined by others.” Think about that for a moment. When we are grieving, the world often tries to define us by our loss. “Oh, the grieving daughter.” “Oh, the woman who lost her sister.” But you are so much more than your grief.

This is where our practical journey begins. Reclaiming your right to define yourself as you honor the chapters of loss that have shaped you. Alrighty, let’s get into some practical framework for self-love. Think of self-love like building a house. We need a solid foundation and that foundation is self-awareness.

Here’s what this looks like in real life. Instead of jumping straight into fixing what you think is wrong, take a moment to check in with yourself. Ask yourself, what am I feeling right now? What do I need? It’s not what Instagram or your well-meaning aunt suggests. It’s what you truly need.

Let’s break this down into what I call the four pillars of practical self-love. Think of them as your personal support system. Number one, the boundary framework. You know that friend who always needs a favor at 11 p.m? Or that project that keeps creeping into your personal time? Setting boundaries isn’t about building walls. It’s about designing doors you control. Start small. Practice saying, “I’ll need to check my schedule” instead of an automatic yes.

Number two, internal dialogue renovations. Remember how we talk to ourselves matters more than any external validation. I had this habit of calling myself stupid whenever I made a minor mistake. One day I started treating myself like I would treat a dear friend. The shift was dramatic. Start catching those negative thought patterns and ask yourself, would I say this to someone I love?

Number three, financial self-respect. This one’s rarely talked about, but it’s crucial. Self-love includes making conscious choices about your resources. It’s not about having lots of money. It’s about respecting what you have. Maybe it’s starting a small savings account, learning to budget, or simply stopping those impulse purchases that make you feel guilty later.

And number four, physical wellbeing as self-respect. This goes beyond exercise and diet. It’s about listening to your body’s signals and honoring them. Rest when you’re tired. When you’re hungry, eat nourishing food. When you need movement, move in ways that feel good to you. Not what the latest fitness trends dictate to us.

Now, here’s where we transform theory into practice. When grief becomes part of your story, traditional self-care advice often falls short. That’s why I have developed these grief special practices, rituals that honor both your loss and your journey forward. Think of these as gentle stepping stones, each one helping you bridge the gap between who you were and who you are becoming. Let’s explore these healing practices together.

Morning memory ritual. Start your day by acknowledging both your loss and your strength. Permission slips. Write yourself daily permission slips to feel joy without guilt. Legacy building. Transform your loss into purpose by helping others and setting boundaries. Protect your energy during difficult dates and celebrations.

Let’s be real, this isn’t always easy. You might hear that inner voice saying, this is selfish, or I don’t have time for this. That’s normal. Remember, self-love is not selfish. It’s necessary. It’s like putting on your own oxygen mask first. You can’t truly be there for others if you’re running on empty.

We have made it through another powerful episode on a radical transformation of self-love. I hope you continue on your journey and gain a new appreciation and embracing self-love.

We are living in a new generation where more people are choosing to be single by choice. The definition of relationship is expanding beyond traditional model of partnerships. Self-love and personal growth are being recognized as crucial foundations for any healthy relationships. People are questioning and redefining what love means to them personally.

So this Valentine’s Day, maybe it’s time to write your own love story. One that doesn’t need a special date on the calendar, doesn’t require grand gestures or expensive gifts, and doesn’t need anyone else’s approval. Choosing to be alone isn’t about isolation. It’s about cultivation. You’re not just killing time, you’re growing something beautiful, a relationship with yourself that will last a lifetime.

The most radical act of love might be choosing how you want to celebrate it or not celebrate it on your own terms. And hey, if you still want that bubble bath, go for it. Just make sure it’s part of a bigger picture of self-care that nourishes your whole self, your mind, your body, and spirit.

Before I wrap up, I have a special invitation for you. Tonight, as you process everything I have discussed, I want you to try what I call the love letter to self exercise. Set a timer for five minutes, just five. Write one thing you need right now, not want, but need. Then take one small step toward meeting that need.

Remember, this isn’t about perfection. It’s about progress. It’s about building a relationship with yourself that’s based on understanding, respect, and yes, love. Real, practical, everyday love.

And don’t forget to subscribe to our podcast and leave a review to help more women discover the power of self-love. Thank you so much for listening and have a great week. Bye everyone.

Thanks for joining us on The Reinvention Lab. If today’s episode inspired you, don’t forget to follow and share it with someone who’s ready to turn their challenges into opportunities. Want to take your journey to the next level? Visit sandylinda.com/program and apply for coaching today. Together, we’ll turn your story into a legacy. Until next time, keep moving forward with purpose, passion, and power.