Ep #17: Grief Unveiled: Lessons Learned from Megan Devine’s Wisdom

Have you ever felt stuck in the clouded waters of grief desperately searching for a way out? Get ready to redefine your journey because guess what? Painful emotions aren’t your final destination. They’re just pit stops on the road to a brighter and better you.

In this episode, I unwrapped the myths surrounding grief, drawing inspiration from a book that was a transformative wisdom for me. So brace yourself for a ride that challenges all beliefs, embraces emotional resilience, and promises a path to a more empowered you. Let’s dive into the distant waters of redefining grief and discover its transformative potential. Stay tuned.

Welcome to Overcoming Grief, a show for women experiencing profound grief and looking for support in healing and transforming their lives. If you are ready to heal after loss, create a new self-identity, take responsibility to do the hard things, and get massive results in your life, this show is for you. Now, here’s your host, Master Grief and Life Coach, Sandy Linda.

Hello, hello, hello fantastic listeners. Happy December. Wow. The month of cozy blankets, questionable holiday sweaters, and an unspoken agreement that it’s okay to eat one too many cookies because ‘tis the season, right? I hope you are all navigating this season of festive chaos and tangled emotions.

So after the Thanksgiving break, I had this hilarious encounter with my neighbor. He hit me with a cheerful Happy Holidays. I’m standing there thinking wait, didn’t we just survive the Thanksgiving feasts? Isn’t it over? But then like a light bulb moment I realized oh December exists. Time, my friends, it’s a tricky thing.

So I am recovering from my post-turkey nap trying to figure out if I missed the memo on a second Thanksgiving when my neighbor drops the wisdom bomb. He said to me, “Sandy, the holidays are not for me.” I couldn’t help but chuckle because let’s face it. The holidays are like trying to assemble Ikea furniture. Confusing, frustrating, and occasionally you wonder if it’s all worth it.

If you’re someone going through an emotional roller coaster right now, trust me you’re not alone. The holidays can be like that one relative who overstays their welcome. Do you know that person? A mix of joy, discomfort, and an urgent need for coping strategies. But fear not. Today we’ve got a special show lined up on how to navigate grief with the grace of an exotic dancer and the strength of someone who successfully assembled that Ikea furniture on the first try. Not really though. So grab your emotional toolkits, put on your red sole pumps, and let’s burlesque through the holiday season with a touch of class and grace. It’s time to sprinkle some wisdom on this holiday fruitcake of emotions.

So I went ahead and explored some of the steps of grief through profound lessons of Megan Devine’s book called It’s OK That You’re Not OK. It was a journey into the heart of grief and loss in a culture that often falls short of understanding. This book became my lifeline. A game changer that offered hard-won wisdom to normalize and validate the experience of grief.

Now, I’ve encountered various books that were well okay. Yet none truly resonated until I discovered the power of the permission to grieve, a path forward that allows us to grow on our journey of grief while still owning the pain. Finding the safety net with open hearts and a willing curiosity about everything we experience, love, joy, fear, loss, and heartbreak.

I’ve experienced the deaths of my mother, my father, and sister. Each grief was different, silently suffering. I waited for the pain to diminish, but it never did. It’s as if grief built to a wall of pain. It’s OK That You’re Not OK comforts me, embraces me, and eases me. Confirming that my grief will endure, and that’s perfectly okay. Every ounce of grief is a testament to the love I still hold for those I’ve lost.

Navigating tough times is a steep journey made more challenging by the lack of support. Megan Devine’s words guide me through the darkness with grace. The world outside is utterly unreasonable at that time. Nothing held meaning. My mind switched off. Reading was out of the question. So I turned to the audiobook version, a decision I’ll forever be grateful for. Those first few weeks, it was my relief. My companion on endless walks, the only buffer against the daunting silence waiting at home.

As I come to blow with the multiple deaths of my family members in a short span, I find myself navigating a society that often shames grief. The loneliness, misunderstanding, judgment, and dismissal I encountered were so profound. I desperately needed support yet I didn’t know how to express that need. Conversations became awkward, words fumble, and sometimes there were no words at all.

Bereavement counseling, a mere eight weeks long, left me feeling adrift. Once it concluded, I was faced with the overwhelming task of navigating my grief alone or seeking additional counseling. During this challenging time, I was fortunate to have ongoing therapy sessions that began after my mother’s death. My therapist had been a steady guide on my journey, providing invaluable support. However, even that anchor was lost when he passed away during the stormy times of COVID-19. It felt like another dip in the roller coaster of life, and I could understand why maintaining friendships became an uphill battle.

Feeling misunderstood in my attempts to connect with others intensified the struggle. At this moment Megan Devine’s book entered my life, offering relief and a profound connection with a community of grief advocates. This book became a beacon of understanding in a society that often falls short of acknowledging the complexities of grief.

In sharing this part of my journey, I aim to shed light on the challenges many face in finding genuine support and understanding in times of grief. Megan Devine’s words became a source of comfort. And through her insights, I discovered a community that embraced the authenticity of grief and offered a path to healing.

All righty, let’s get to it. So let’s talk about the ancient artifacts of grief theories. The dinosaur of emotional roller coasters. Megan takes us on a journey into the mysterious world of the stages of grief. Trust me, it’s a tale with unexpected twists.

Have you ever heard about the stages of grief? It’s like a vintage model from the 60s from Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross brainchild with the publication of her book on death and dying. Now the stages of grief became the go to model for grief of all kinds. Back then it seemed like the ultimate guide to grieving. So the stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, the sought after acceptance. This model was a way to move through the stages completely or you never heal.

Rewind. It’s over 50 years old, and we’re still dragging it along like it’s the Holy Grail. We’re stuck with a vintage grief GPS in a world with technological wonders. You may still find the stages of grief and some of those grief and loss workshops.

Contrary to popular belief, grief isn’t a set of stages. There is no manual. No one size fits all approach. It’s more like an individual experience, like a customized playlist for your emotional journey. Now Dr. Kubler Ross herself realized her stages weren’t meant to dictate feelings or judge your grief game. They were not meant to determine whether you’re doing grief correctly or not. They were meant to be a comfort, not a locking up in a cage.

Some people have asked me if I discuss the grief stages. When this was presented to me, I felt that my grief was still going on a roller coaster. So let’s be real. Death and its aftermath are bewildering. We crave a roadmap, a clear cut set of steps to end the grief saga. But spoiler alert, there are no stages in grief.

Doing grief well is about embracing your unique experience, listening to your reality and letting the messy painful truth exist without limitations. There are no artificial strings, no stages, just your unfiltered authentic journey through the chaos of love and loss. Her stages, whether applied to the dying or those left living were meant to normalize and validate what someone might experience in the swirl of insanity that is loss, death, and grief. They were meant to comfort and not create a cage.

So the next time someone hands you the vintage grief manual, you can kindly say no thanks. I’ve got my own playlist for this roller coaster. Remember, your grief journey is as unique as your fingerprint. There’s no one size fits all formula. Let’s break free from the vintage grief norms and dance to the beat of our own emotional soundtrack.

All right, so let’s dive into a nugget of wisdom from Megan Devine’s treasure text. She drops this truth bomb, this quote that really was something I wanted to share on this podcast. Her quote was painful emotional states aren’t meant to last. They are short term pit stops on the way to a brighter and better you. So let’s unpack this gem.

So Nietzsche, Nietzsche that’s how you say it. Nietzsche, the OG philosopher, once said what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. It’s like going to the emotional gym. Pain builds resilience. Just as a muscle needs some pain to grow, our emotions must endure hardships to strengthen.

Now, let’s get personal. Back in the day, grief was supposed to be a quick stopover during my childhood losses. Fast forward to the adult chapter, and life through multiple curveballs. Family losses, shattered friendships, and financial roller coasters. Suddenly getting over it wasn’t the solution. It was about understanding, embracing, and becoming an emotionally literate guide through the wild territories of grief, loss, and anger.

So why does this quote resonate with me? Because it’s a reminder that our emotional pitstops aren’t permanent campsites. They’re like layovers on the way to becoming a wiser, stronger version of ourselves. Life throws challenges our way, but we sculpt a more resilient, compassionate self with each emotional workout. It’s not about rushing through the pain but growing through it. Next time life throws a pitstop your way, remember, it’s a temporary detour, not a permanent residence. Embrace the pain, flex those emotional muscles, and know you’re on a journey to a brighter and better you.

All right, my amazing listeners. Let’s hit the rewind button and wrap up our wisdom packed journey today. We dive headfirst into the transformative world of grief courtesy of the incredible lessons I learned from Megan Devine’s book. First things first, we dismantle the old dinosaur theory of grief stages. You know, that outdated model that suggests grief is a linear process with neat little stages like denial, anger, bargaining, and then acceptance.

Well, it turns out grief isn’t a one size fits all experience. Megan Devine showed us that grief is messy, nonlinear, and most importantly, uniquely personal. Then we bask in the glow of Megan’s quote, painful emotional states aren’t meant to last. They are short term pit stops on the way to a brighter and better you. Nietzsche would be proud.

We explored how pain, like a muscle in a workout, makes us stronger and more resilient. We realize that enduring grief can shape us into emotionally literate compassionate beings. Let’s not forget our holiday escapade, navigating the festive season with class and grace. We shared a laugh about the time confusion hits and suddenly December becomes a surprise extra round of holiday festivities.

So there you have it folks, a roller coaster of emotions, laughter, and insights. Remember, grief isn’t a problem to be solved. It’s an experience to be carried. Thanks for joining us on this wild ride. Until next time, keep embracing the journey, finding joy in the confusion, and rocking those holiday shenanigans with style and grace. Have a good one all. Bye.

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Thanks for listening to today’s episode of Overcoming Grief. If you’re ready to move into a new, rewarding life experience, and want more information about how to work with Sandy, visit www.sandylinda.com.