Ep #32: Mindset Hacks to Start Healing From Grief

Grief feels like a life sentence. But what if I told you your thoughts held the key to rewrite the story? Stay tuned for a journey of healing and hope.

Welcome to Overcoming Grief, a show for women experiencing profound grief and looking for support in healing and transforming their lives. If you are ready to heal after loss, create a new self-identity, take responsibility to do the hard things, and get massive results in your life, this show is for you. Now, here’s your host, Master Grief and Life Coach, Sandy Linda.

Hello beautiful souls. How are you doing today? I tell you, spring ahead can really distract my time yet we get to see more daylight in the evening. I tell you I miss some appointments. I mean doctor’s appointments. I mean, I tell you sometimes I should be familiar with this change, but sometimes it just messes up with my brain.

But before I continue, please join my insider community by hitting the subscribe button on my website at sandylinda.com and receive a valuable gift. Come and be part of the elite grief warrior squad. Be on the lookout for some exciting news.

Also, I would greatly appreciate it if you could rate and review my show. Your feedback is invaluable as it helps me reach and support more individuals who, like you, are looking to move beyond the distress of grief and design a purposeful life. By sharing your thoughts and experiences, you are precious to our community. You are helping us all grow and live with intention. Thanks for being a part of it.

So today’s episode is about the mindset of grief. As I open with the rewrite of the story, it’s about how we can rewire our brains for new possibilities. Now wherever you are in your grief, this episode is for you. I was in your shoes. As my brain was messy with thoughts of why this happened, what am I going to do, how to go without the presence of my family members.

I used to believe that we had to react to the stress of grief with the traditional stages of grief. You know the bargaining, denial, anger then acceptance. However, I learned to understand grief was not about the stages. It was about the absence of the loved one. It did not occur to me that the brain had to adjust to the loss of my family and had to figure out how to live in a world without their absence. Learning to live with the absence shall be a required, not an elective, in grief one on one course study.

In relationships, we often define ourselves in relation to others. Terms like siblings or parents imply the presence of multiple individuals. However, when that other person is no longer with us, we’re left navigating the world under new circumstances. It’s ingrained in our DNA to identify ourselves as part of a collective we.

So when we express feeling, like we’ve lost a piece of ourselves, it’s not just a figure speech. The brain reacts in a similar manner wired to recognize that loss. When we’re challenged by grief, our way of thinking becomes cloudy. How we face this grief depends in large part on our mindset.

So what I’m going to go over is our brain can’t absorb the absence of our family members because our bond is fixed as everlasting. Then I’m going to also discuss how avoiding painful feelings can affect your well-being. Then, of course, I will leave you with some tips and strategies for rewiring your brain to function in a world without your loved ones.

So early on, grief can be chaotic and a free for all mentality. Our brain spins with difficult new thoughts and emotions, running relentlessly trying to locate the person we have lost. The brain struggles to make sense of an unimaginable future while negotiating the necessities of living, waking up, taking a shower and feeding ourselves. Completing simple tasks may seem overwhelming and may take longer.

No wonder grief is so physically exhausting. It’s like you’re trying to learn calculus while you’re trying to run a marathon. As I was going through my journey of grief, I had those uninvited sorrowful cries while random thoughts spoke of their mind. After the devastating losses of my family members, I was not sure if it was real. Well, let me explain further. Since my dad was the last person I buried, I had some deep connections with him as we grieved for my mom, his wife, and helped him bury my sister, his daughter. So we had a little connection, we had our routine going on.

Even though I had already done the funeral procession, my brain kept looking for my dad as a way to check up on him. Plus those repetitive tasks I used to do before his death were going so well. We had a system of meeting up for dinner to discuss our day. He hangs out at the gym and waits until I get home from work. Then on the weekend, he and I will go to the restaurants to eat out. On Sundays, he would visit the cemetery, and I would wait until he got home. So you see, when I was getting settled into a new routine after my mother’s death, this new unexpected event left me with a cloudy judgment. I mean, to have a daily routine was not happening because I just buried myself to sleep as those uninvited sorrows kept creeping in.

So what happens when things get so chaotic that we fall into a brain fog, or they call it grief brain. The way I used to go to work and come home to spend time with dad suddenly disappeared. Remember, I went through several losses, but I got so used to my dad that I had very deep, cloudy thinking. Plus my coping skills and the ability to manage stress was a hot mess. There were times when I misplaced my cell phone, wallet, glasses, and keys. I would find the items in unlikely places in the refrigerator or the TV remote in the cabinet. It was no wonder it was hard to get up every day to complete the necessities.

So I decided during that early grief to write a sticky note as a reminder, when I get up from bed to head to the bathroom and read my life sucks. It would be best if you could brush your teeth, take a shower and make that appointment with the therapists. I had a simple reminder to do those necessities. It was not easy, but it let me know my reality was messy. I know that I say that my life sucks, but it did. I’m not going to lie. It did feel sucky in the beginning.

So if you wake up each morning, your mind in a whirlwind of confusion and sorrow, grief has thrown a gloom over your thoughts making even the simplest tasks feel like climbing a mountain. Your brain once had a way of managing stress, but now struggles to navigate through the haze of loss. You may find yourself overwhelmed by memories of loved ones who have passed away during this chaotic time. Even the simplest routines and familiar sites can remind you of what you’ve lost. You long for their presence, but they’re no longer with you.

So another one I want to share with you that’s also been there, done that, here to support you on this journey because I know when it comes to emotions, we tend to bury it underneath. So when we avoid the painful feelings of sorrow, anger, fear, and doubt, we tend to finger point at the world and ourselves. We are constantly merry go around trying to fix our problems because most people have not been in our shoes.

We grieve for one week then we get back to work and then go back home crying as there’s nobody home. Most people work as a way to bury those uninvited sorrows. As I continued to hide my grief, it did mess with my health. I had to really face the hard evidence of emotional awareness of grief.

So my friends, if you are struggling with the loss of a loved one, my heart goes out to you. Losing a parent or sibling, anyone close to us can be incredibly tough. Grief doesn’t discriminate. It hits us when we lose friends, colleagues, and even pets. Each loss brings its own unique set of emotions.

As we navigate life without our loved ones, we encounter new challenges and experiences that can trigger waves of grief. It’s an ongoing journey with no clear end point. Learning to accept and adapt to this new reality takes time and patience. But even in the midst of this messy and unpredictable process, there are steps we can take to cope. It might feel like taking a deep breath is impossible right now. But I believe that with time, you’ll find moments of peace and war again. Today may be tough, but let’s take it one step at a time to make it more bearable.

So here are some tips I want to leave you with to rewire your thoughts about grief. Number one is embrace your emotions instead of avoiding them. Grief is painful. There’s no denying that. It’s natural to want to escape from the overwhelming emotion it brings. Many people shut down their feelings completely, fearing it is too much to handle. Been there done that. But pushing away the hurt doesn’t make it disappear. It just pushes it deeper inside.

Ignoring your emotions can have consequences manifesting in other areas of your life such as your health or social connections. Some even turn to substances like drugs or alcohol in an attempt to numb the pain. Instead of running from your emotions, try facing them head on. When feelings of anger, fear, sadness, doubt, or guilt arise, allow yourself to acknowledge and process them. It might be tough in the short term but it’s a crucial step towards healing in the long run.

By embracing your emotions and allowing yourself to grieve fully, you create space for healing and long term emotional well-being. So don’t be afraid to let the tears flow and confront those conflicted feelings. It’s all part of the journey towards healing. Number two, balance solitude with social connections. I know, it’s kind of rough for some. Grieving is a deeply personal experience. Sometimes words just aren’t enough to express what you’re feeling. Turning inward and offering yourself kindness and understanding you need is important. Take the time to listen to your heart and soul and give yourself this space to process your emotions. However, don’t let yourself get lost in isolation. Be sure to be around others who are your grief advocates and a great support system on your grief journey.

Human connection is essential for healing, a basic need we all share. So even on the days when you’re not feeling up for socializing, try to spend some time around others. You don’t have to engage in deep conversation. A simple chat with the coffee barista or a smile at the cashier can make a difference. Consider going to places like the library, the museum. Oh, I love the Metropolitan Museum. Have you ever been there? Oh my God. I go there just to get away from everything. I go there to just learn about history. It’s beautiful. If you are ever in New York, go to Metropolitan. The Met is so beautiful. Or go to the park if you’re not in the mood to be around people you know.

When you’re ready, try to reconnect with the people who cared about you. Let them in. Allow them to comfort you and share your pain with them. There’s healing power in being vulnerable and allowing others to bear witness to your grief. So don’t hesitate to reach out. You don’t have to go through this alone.

Tip number three, make healing a life-long priority. Make sure to include healing in your daily and monthly routines. Healing isn’t something you do once and then forget about it. It’s an ongoing journey that requires consistent effort. Grief doesn’t just vanish overnight, and the scars it leaves behind may linger for a long time.

While time can help ease the pain and lessen the intensity of grief, it doesn’t magically heal old wounds. It’s important to accept that feelings of emptiness, confusion, fear, or sadness may persist, even as time passes. These emotions might come and go in waves, but they’re all a normal part of the grieving process.

Losing a loved one and grieving for your parents or siblings or even shattered friendships all hurt deeply. Make space in your life to tend to these emotional wounds, adjusting to your new reality and finding ways to cope with your loss will help you navigate the healing process more effectively. Remember, healing is a journey, and it’s okay to take as much time as you need to attend to your hurts and find peace within yourself.

Well, those are my mind shifts for your grief journey. As you navigate through these shifts, it’s important to acknowledge that setbacks and moments of fatigue are normal and expected. Adjusting to this new way of life can feel unfamiliar and challenging. But remember, each day brings a fresh start. With time, your new mindset and routines will begin to feel more natural and integrated into your life.

While the idea of learning to live with grief indefinitely may seem overwhelming, know that it will become easier with time. You’ll find yourself showing up for yourself and others more effortlessly as you adapt to your new reality. Eventually, you’ll discover a unique and meaningful way to honor your loved one in your new life.

Instead of feeling overwhelmed by grief, you find solace in the warmth of memories, allowing you to navigate through life’s highs and lows with greater resilience. If you are wrestling with loss or find yourself in the midst of grief, remember that your mindset requires tender care and attention. Your brain needs time and repetition to adjust to your loved one’s absence and make sense of this new reality.

If you’re facing the challenges of a grieving mind, know that there are tools available to help you navigate through the emotional storms and find healing. Grief is a journey that doesn’t have a clear end point. It’s about learning to accept and adapt to this new reality one step at a time. By embracing your emotions without judgment, seeking support from others and engaging in practices like journaling, you can navigate through the ups and downs of grief with greater resilience. There you have it.

But before I go, I believe that in every episode that I will eventually give you a journaling prompt. I would love for you to email me at info@sandylinda to share with me your journey about your mindset and how you’re able to rewire your brain. The journal prompt reflects on a recent experience of grief or loss that you have faced. How has your mindset shifted or evolved since then?

Now consider the thoughts, emotions and coping mechanisms you have used throughout the process. Write about any insights or lessons you gain from navigating through grief and explore how you can continue to rewire your thoughts and find healing in the journey ahead. So there you have it my beautiful folks. Have a beautiful day. Thank you for listening, and I’ll catch you next week. Bye.

Thanks for listening to today’s episode of Overcoming Grief. If you’re ready to move into a new, rewarding life experience, and want more information about how to work with Sandy, visit www.sandylinda.com.