Ep #35: 3 Core Truths About Anger After Loss

Have you ever been conditioned to believe strong women shouldn’t get angry, especially when dealing with something as heavy as loss? Let’s uncover some hardcore truth about anger as we walk into our grief journey.

Welcome to Overcoming Grief, a show for women experiencing profound grief and looking for support in healing and transforming their lives. If you are ready to heal after loss, create a new self-identity, take responsibility to do the hard things, and get massive results in your life, this show is for you. Now, here’s your host, Master Grief and Life Coach, Sandy Linda.

Hello everyone. I hope you are all enjoying the beginning of April despite the rain that is pouring down here in New York. Well, I guess when they say April showers bring May flowers. So let’s hold on to that promise of brighter days ahead. I want to address if you are new here, a warm welcome to those who are navigating the difficult path of grief. My heart goes out to you. Sending love and healing thoughts as you walk on this path of grief.

Now, I wanted to take a moment to speak to those who maybe experienced grief for the first time. It’s okay if journaling feels overwhelming right now. Grieving can take up so much mental and emotional energy that it’s hard to find the words to put on paper. But fear not. If journaling does not feel right for you at this moment, that’s perfectly okay.

Instead, I encourage you to consider subscribing to our mailing lists. By doing so you’ll receive our mourning journaling materials, but you also gain access to other resources and events that I share exclusively via email. To those of you who are finding relief in journaling, I applaud you for your bravery and willingness to explore your emotions on paper. Keep going and know that every word you write is a step toward healing. Thank you for all being here and allowing me to be part of your healing process.

Also, I would greatly appreciate it if you could rate and review my show. Your feedback is invaluable as it helps me reach and support more individuals who, like you, are looking to move beyond the distress of grief and design a purposeful life. By sharing your thoughts and experiences, you are precious to our community. You’re helping us all grow and live with the intention. Thanks for being a part of it. So grief is a complex journey, filled with a range of emotions. Anger is often one of the most misunderstood and challenging to navigate. But fear not. Because today I want to uncover some core truth about anger.

Now, I wanted to come back to talking about anger because I did it episode two it was, and I wanted to revisit anger again because I’ve learned that anger can be a troublesome emotion, especially in women. We have been told to keep our anger under control. It’s not ladylike or feminine. Or you’re crazy if you feel this way. Has anyone ever told you that?

After experiencing unexpected losses, social norms expect women to maintain a certain level of composure and hide their anger. We don’t want any fistfights in the street. I have to say during my most vulnerable and critical grief, why was it I had to fit into a society’s expectations to keep quiet? How is that even fair or healthy?

Now I understand that every person’s experience with grief is different. It’s not easy to navigate through. It’s unfortunate that society often frowns upon women expressing their anger, but know that you’re not alone in this struggle. In episode two, I discuss anger and offer strategies for processing it healthily, offering you some constructive dialogue to allow you to embrace anger in a healthy way.

However, I wanted to come back to this topic because most women are suffering in silence. For those who are in this new territory of grief, there will be some unexpected grief outbursts that come with the anger you feel after experiencing some devastating loss. When you go through some significant losses, anger gets so impacted by grief that there are tendencies to bury it underneath.

Now studies indicate that men and women experience anger equally. However, they tend to express it differently. Gender socialization tends to perceive men who act out their anger as manly, regardless of whether it’s physical or verbal. On the other hand, women who express their anger in an aggressive manner, whether verbally or physically, are often seen as unpleasant or unfeminine. As a result, women may resort to passive aggressive behavior such as negative gossip to channel their anger.

The problem lies in the fact that when women experience intense emotions, society considers them hostile. We avoid expressing our anger thoughts. This can lead to internalized feelings of rage and suffering, which can have damaging effects on their health. If women don’t learn to speak up, they might end up being prescribed medication to control their emotions.

Anger is a common human emotion, but it can be harmful if left unchecked. As I discussed in one of the previous episodes, it can be destructive if we continue to suffer in silence and create fear based approaches to grief. It will be brutal to our mental well-being, and your grief can become more hurtful.

So allow me to share some core truths and discover how to navigate the complexities of anger while overcoming grief. So first off, let’s address the elephant in the room. Anger is normal. Yes, you heard that right. Feeling angry during grief doesn’t make you a bad person or you’re doing it wrong. It’s a perfectly normal and natural response to loss.

Think about it. When we lose someone so dear to us, we are left with a void, and anger often fills that space. It’s our mind’s way of processing the pain and adjusting to the new reality. The benefits of anger are realistic and attainable, have clean and concrete details on your offense while expressing your grief journey.

Another core truth, anger can be misdirected. Sometimes in the midst of grief, our anger can spill over onto others or even ourselves. We may find ourselves snapping at loved ones, lashing out in frustration, or holding resentment toward the world. It’s critical to recognize when our anger is misplaced and take steps to address it constructively.

The last one, anger is not the enemy. It’s easy to demonize anger and view it as something to be feared or suppressed. But the truth is that anger, when properly understood and managed, it can be a catalyst for growth and transformation. It’s a signal that sometimes within us is hurting and in need of attention.

By embracing our anger and learning from it, we can move toward healing and wholeness. Why is it so hard to accept that adult women may feel instant anger when she has gone through devastating loss of their parents, siblings, and shattered future? My belief is that no one has the right to tell an adult grieving woman it’s wrong or it’s not socially acceptable to feel angry. The American culture doesn’t play kindly to emotions because it only looks for the cure and medication. What I want to leave you with is that adult women have the right to express their anger in a way that is both safe and healthy. They should be free to shout and release their emotions from the rooftops or punch a bag at the gym without judgment. Trust me, I’ve done it before.

Anger is a powerful emotion that needs to be released safely and lovingly. We must allow women to tap into this simple energy and let go of their grief in a way that empowers them. It’s important to recognize and understand the intense anger that women feel when they lose their parents or siblings. This feeling is natural and can be deep. Acknowledging this anger is crucial in supporting women who have experienced such a loss.

Anger emerges as a source of wisdom, clarity, and inspiration, offering support and solutions for women, especially those who discover the creative potential and growth opportunities in their own outrage. So don’t throw shade when society tries to block out your anger. Be vulnerable and express your true self about your feelings.

I want to offer you a journaling prompt because I said I was going to start implementing, and I didn’t do it on the last one. But this one is about anger. I want you to take this prompt, and again, if this is your first time, give yourself five to 10 minutes to empty out all the stuff that you have on this prompt. So what is your belief now about anger? Do you believe it’s okay to be angry?

So pour out your mind, do a brain dump, give yourself five to 10 minutes, and ask yourself about your belief about anger after listening to the three core truths of anger. I want to leave you with this quote by Megan Devine. Your anger surrounding your loss is welcome. So go ahead and welcome that anger through those journal entries and through those journal prompts. It will open your mind and your soul into healing through grief. Thank you so much for listening, and I’ll catch you on the next one. Bye.

Thanks for listening to today’s episode of Overcoming Grief. If you’re ready to move into a new, rewarding life experience, and want more information about how to work with Sandy, visit www.sandylinda.com.